I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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