Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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