brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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