My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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