you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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