so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
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i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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