Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize