I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, itβs Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize