the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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