i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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