I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize