I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize