I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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