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And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
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