You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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