he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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