So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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