i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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