I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
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At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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