I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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