Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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