Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize