first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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