I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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