I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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