i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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