I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
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I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
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you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize