I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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