You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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