So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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