Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize