Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
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All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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