my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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