i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
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I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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