what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am full of burrito and curiosity
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
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We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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