Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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