My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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