It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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