i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
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The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
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The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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