If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
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When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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