I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what day is it and did you see me today?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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