He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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