shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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