I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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