My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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