idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
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Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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