Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
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And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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