i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
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It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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