speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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