dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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